life according to me

Updates

floatilla — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 21:07:16 +0000

Its been a while since I posted here and so I felt it was time to give you guys an update. Since mid August I have been settling into my own place…:) . It is not much but its all mine. Financially I am still skint but eversoslightly moving into the black. It is a good feeling to know that I alone am in control of my life and choices. yay!
I also finally enrolled in school for next semester. I am going to be taking 10 hours of classes. Considering that I am working full time I hope I am not biting off more than I can chew but I am 27 and time is running out for me. I need to get this done …. fast. Speaking of which, I had to come up with a plan B in regards to my schooling. When I first enrolled in school, my ultimate goal was to make it into Medical School….. but I was young and wild and therefore was not good in regards to my studies and therefore my grades were shit. Looking at my current grades, they would definitely not get me into med school. I basically have to start over. Unfortunately I don’t have a rich benefactor and need to make a living, so I need to get a first degree in something that could support me in my quest to get into medical school. I therefore settled on Medical technology. I have credits in classes that could allow me to graduate with my Bachelors in 2.5 years and will have a chance to retake some of the classes I need to bump up my grades in.
I am also working out again. Hopefully this time I will do it right.
Wish me luck…..

Justice….Texas style….

floatilla — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 04:34:33 +0000

…..Until this past week I never knew who Cameron Todd Willingham was. I happened to stumble upon a lengthy New Yorker article chronicling his arrest, trial, conviction and subsequent execution on the charge of murder in 2004. Further evidence shows now that there is a very high possibility that the fire that killed his children was an accident….AKA no crime was commited. There can never be justice for Mr. Willingham. He’s dead.
What grinds my gear is that reports now show that his death could have been avoided. It is a tragedy that there are children that died, and that should not be forgotten. Unfortunately due to the fact that children were involved, the jury was quick to convict him and ignored the fact that there were glaring discrepancies in the case. That Governor Rick Perry chose to ignore last minute evidence that could have exhonorated Mr Willingham, and stay his execution…
Guilt or innocence not withstanding, what angers me about this is that the case against Mr Willingham was not without doubt. He may have commited the crime for all I know but with the facts of the case there was not enough to kill the man.
Capital punishment is final.You dont get a do-over. Mr Willingham will never get to plead his case. HE IS DEAD. I understand the emotions that go into the convictions given for some crimes that are absolutely heinous. Unfortunately Mr Willingham is probably not unique. And for that reason alone, why take the chance. Just for the mere possibility that there will be some unfortunate soul who is charged for a crime that they did not commit and unfortunately for whatever reason are not given the chance to properly plead their case in a court of law….be it for inadequate representation, mental illness or whatever……. I cannot stand by a system that is so blantantly slanted against the have-nots. I cannot stand by a system that kills people whose guilt is not proven without any shadow of a doubt.
Todd Willingham refused to plead guilty even though that plea would have saved his life. He was not a saint. There are reports that show that there may have been domestic abuse on his part. That a killer does not make. On his ~~death~~ execution table, his last words…..

Yeah. The only statement I want to make is that I am an innocent man—convicted of a crime I did not commit. I have been persecuted for 12 years for something I did not do

And it comes out that he probably was telling the truth

Changes……

floatilla — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 22:29:58 +0000

I moved on….. finally after 5 years I have a place of my own. It is not much but its mine. Heck I dont even have a couch but I dont care much. I have been here for about 2 weeks now and I love it. Financially I am in the toilet but I will be okay. I am happy. Really….. even being alone does not bother me much any more.
Now that I have the living situation sorted out, the next thing I need to take care of is my health and going back to school. Nothing is holding me back any more, plus with everything that was going on with me I started smoking again and have not been exercising any more. That has to change. More deets to come
cheers!!

Exhausted…..

floatilla — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 02:50:04 +0000

I dont even know where to begin. I am so way past furious that I am numb. I had previously mentioned that I am back at home with mom for a couple of months while I wait for my apartment to get ready…. Its getting really ugly with my sister in regards to the house we lived in…….
5 years ago as a form of helping I agreed to move in with my sister. We bought a house together….well the mortgage is in my name…(..long story..) It was meant to be a temporary thing while we waited for some stars to allign then the deal was that I would sign over the house to her. It started all well but as the years wore on it got to be a very toxic situation. Finally it got to the point that I could not stay with her any more and gave her my notice and moved back in with mom.
I guess it was too much for me to ask that this goes smoothly. She is in the process of trying to get the loan refinanced in her name so that she can get the house. Up until my place gets ready I agreed to go on with my financial obligations to her in regards to the bills even though I dont live there any more. Since I left she has gone out of her way to be hostile in regards to this and is also trying to poison my relationship with my friend and also with my mother…….. I am a very introverted person for the most part…( to my detriment sometimes) , and go out of my way to avoid conflict or drama up to the point that it is misconstrued as me not caring. As a result of this character flaw, for the most part in cases like this, mom usually gets to hear her side of the story and for the most part never mine. And usually by the time the blow back comes back to me I dont even bother defending myself.
She is making it seem to all that will listen that i am shirking my responsibilites and when she makes a wrong move, I am culpable for that. I still dont get that part. She claims that I am not paying for my stuff and that I am “doing this to her”…..Hello…….It is MY name on the mortgage. She could walk away from this and not be affected at all. It is MY reputation on the line.I am just so sick and tired of having to deal with this. She is going out of her way to wage a war with me that I did not declare.
I am thisclose to just saying fuck it and walk away and let the house go into foreclosure. I just dont care any more. I have tried so hard to deal cordially with this and she refuses to meet me half way. I am just so tired of having to be the bigger person in this one.

Sheesh

floatilla — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 20:15:45 +0000

….Karma is a bitch. Really. Backstory…. I work with this pharmacist who is the mother of all bitches. I mean she is purposely (sp?) mean and hateful to all around her. Irony is that she is a lesbian too and I would have hoped to at least have an ally there….that was not to be. From the first time I started working there, I tried to reach out to her and be friendly, but she was ice cold. I kept trying for a while actually, then a few things happened along the way and I wiped my hands off any effort to be friendly with her. I actually grew to dislike her…..ALOT. And one thing about me is that when I cross over the line to disliking you alot, the train has l;eft the station and there is no reversing back things.
….Well yesterday, 2 separate coworkers who know of my history with said pharmacist sought me out and informed me that she had cancer. Silence. Not just one form but lung, liver, pancrease, breast…..pretty much her whole body except the brain. I was shocked. She is a health nut, not a smoker…nothing. They sought me out to tell me this basically to aske me to go easy on her. I started to kinda feel guilty…alot. I wished her so much ill along the way. I am a strong believer in karma. I dont think you can go around life being horrible to all around you and it not affect you in one way or another,and this crystallised it. I am not saying she deserved it. I would not wish what she has on my worst enemy. She is only 40. I wish her all the best of luck in her future health. I dont know….I guess what I am trying to say is that we need to be careful as to how we treat others..just saying….

To new beginnings……

floatilla — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 02:51:57 +0000

I am moving back home to live with mom. Not for long, just till Aug when my apartment gets ready. I decided that it was time and the relationship with me and my sister has gotten so hostile that its in the interest of both parties that I leave. Going back was not easy. Over the past 5 years I have become somewhat of an emotional hermit in matters related to family and mom had 5 years of pent up exasparation that she laid out on me. 5 hours later and to be honest I am exhausted and have a monster of a headache to boot.
This will be the first time I venture out on my own and it is exciting and scary all in one. I know that I need ALOT of distance with my sister and I dont know if our relationship will ever be the same. There is just so much ugliness right now and I just dont want her in my life at this particular moment.
I also realised that I have a wonderful friend, Ill call her Val. She was there for me today in such a way that I dont know how to thank her. No amount of words can describe how grateful I am she was there for me today. She sat with me in the car in hot summer Texas heat and just listened to me talk and cry and talk and cry…. I would not have gotten through the day if it was not for her.

READ THIS

floatilla — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 03:06:59 +0000

Oh..this just broke me. I am anti capital punishment but this just broke me.

Back, break, camel…….

floatilla — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 02:50:55 +0000

I finally did it. Gave my move out notice today to my sister. I am trying my best to keep it cordial, but I dont think I will get the chance to. She’s already getting ugly about it. Oh well, time will tell and I will post future developments as I deem neccesary. I am just tired and ready to have this done and dusted.

A case for choice

floatilla — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 23:37:39 +0000

I have been meaning to say something about the killing of Dr Tiller but I have not had the words to put out. Sure Keith Olbermann has his own agenda in his on-air battles with Bill O’Reilly, but that does not take away from the fact that his points have merit.
Abortion is never easy. It is prolly the hardest decision that any woman should have the misfortune of making. The Anti-Choice crowd has this thing of making it sound that women who have abortions go into it with the same emotion that you would make in deciding whether to drink a Coke or a Diet Coke. That is furthest from the truth. It is painful- physically and emotionally and minimising the pain that goes into making that decision is disgusting. And even more disgusting is that the majority of the loudest voices you hear in the Anti-Choice is by men – Who will NEVER have to physically go through it.
Abortion is more than soundbytes by people who have a political agenda. Either way or…… Give the woman the dignity of having a say in what goes on with her body. I have seen the pain of abortion so you shut the fuck up and tell me I dont know what I am talking about. It is not pretty, and stop trivialising it.
As Obama said, “Maybe we won’t agree on abortion, but we can still agree that this heart-wrenching decision for any woman is not made casually, it has both moral and spiritual dimensions.So let us work together to reduce the number of women seeking abortions, let’s reduce unintended pregnancies. Let’s make adoption more available. Let’s provide care and support for women who do carry their children to term. Let’s honor the conscience of those who disagree with abortion, and draft a sensible conscience clause, and make sure that all of our health care policies are grounded not only in sound science, but also in clear ethics, as well as respect for the equality of women.”
Despite the fact that alot of people have very strong different opinions on this issue. Dr Tiller did not deserve to be assasinated. Yesterday I was listening to jesus radio and the overwhelming sentiment was that the guy who killed Tiller was doing the work of God. Its shit like this that make me agnostic. Even more disgusting was that the talking head jerk-off with the microphone did not admonish this, and let on caller after caller to talk about how this assasination was justified…oh yeah this was all in God’s name. Really? Murder is murder is murder…… and before you start on me about the work of Dr Tiller, let me remind you…..He did NOT break any laws. That I can not say about the other guy.

Manic- Terri Cheney

floatilla — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 21:16:18 +0000

This is a book that explores a woman’s turbulent journey with bipolar disease. It is a fascinating book to say the least. Terri Cheney by all appearances is a successful attorney but unbeknown to everyone she was spiralling between mania and depression. She tells of stories that show how she would go on spending binges, would flirt indiscriminately with people not putting into consideration the feelings she may step on…and also goes into graphic detail into the suicide attempt that would prove to be a turning point in her life.
The manner in her storytelling is very choppy, which is not a bad thing. She tells the story from the perspective of a manic depressive which makes for a very interesting narrative…..thumbs up.