I am so lonely. My subconscious has become my companion. I feel abandoned by friends. My birthday was on the 7th and none of the people I call friends sent even a text message to wish me a good day. I cannot get over it. It just reinforced the knowledge in my head that if anything was to happen to me, nobody would know, and even worse, that nobody would care. I am so sad all the time. I crave contact, I crave affection. I would give anything for someone to hold me and just make me feel cared for. Sometimes I feel like I wish for it so hard that I feel subconscious hands hold me. Its not enough. I worry for my sanity sometimes. I wonder why things are so hard for me. I have friends who can never seem to remain single and always attract someone to them, and I cannot even get a person to like me back. Went on a date 2 weeks ago, and then never heard back from them. I am the common denominator. I guess it does not help that I look like a troll so what else do I expect. I know I am supposed to love my self but I don’t.I can’t. I hate myself so much. I try to be with friends and I guess even they tire of me. By reading this one may think that I am a teenager, sometimes I wish I was, then I would not have all that wasted life under my belt. I am just so tired. I guess its one foot in front of the other.